One of my least favorite phrases that my Dad said frequently to me as a kid was, “I don’t want to hear your excuses”. Oh, how I hated that sentence. It made me feel that I wasn’t valued and that he didn’t care about me. Never mind the fact that it usually came after my Dad had discovered that I hadn’t done something that I was suppose to, or that I did something I wasn’t suppose to do. It didn’t matter; I still hated that sentence when I was young.
Looking back now I realize how right he was and how I was wrong. All my Dad wanted me to do was to obey him, and when I didn’t he certainly wasn’t interested in my excuses, it didn’t change the fact that I had still disobeyed him. In fact, it made it worse because it showed him that I didn’t feel that I was wrong, that I didn’t feel that I had disobeyed him. All he wanted was my obedience and not only could I not obey but I sinned even more by trying to justify my disobedience.
Now that I am so much older and wiser (ha ha), I find myself in the same place as my Dad did when I was a child. People’s excuses for not doing things quite frankly disgust me. My excuses for things disgust me, and yet I still make them. While some excuses are quite valid many are not. Yes, things happen, more important things come up. I understand this.
More recently I’ve found that when I disobey or let someone down, it is goes a lot better for me if I just admit I’m wrong rather than making excuses. The lecture that usually follows is not as long if you just admit you are wrong and say you will do whatever it is you didn’t do, or that you won’t do something you weren’t suppose to do, again. It is a very hard thing to do and I admit I have not yet mastered it. Saying your sorry and meaning it also goes a long way. Asking God to give you with genuine repentance even when you still feel rebellious is an excellent thing to do. Outward submission is not submission if the inside isn’t right, too.
Back to excuses.
I say I can’t love that person, can’t care about her or treat her with the respect she deserves. I can love a million other people, people that are in the juvenile home, people that are homeless, people with strange clothes, or odd colored hair, people that smell like body odor, people that don’t respect me, people that treat me wrong, that take advantage of me. I can love all those people, that many other people have trouble loving. I can love them, but I can’t love that one person that annoys me. I can’t love this person because I don’t want to. I am so wrong, God calls me to love as he has loved therefore any excuse I can come up with is not valid.
People say they can’t help it, something happened in their past that makes them the way they are. Afraid. Unwilling to step out and take a chance. Not willing to trust God with the results. Not only does this belittle the power of God but it also keeps us from truly seeing how awesome he is and leaves us in bondage. I can’t change because of my past. God isn’t powerful enough over come my past. It is so sad. We let Satan use things in our past to keep them from experiencing all the wonderful things God has for us, and all the things he wants to use us for.
A week or so ago I had the opportunity to hear a missionary friend of mine speak. He said, “If God wakes you in the middle of the night and you feel called to pray for someone and you do not, God will wake up someone else to pray for them. But you will be held accountable for your actions.”
This made me think. If God calls me to do something and I don’t do it, I will be held accountable for it and I really doubt I’ll be making excuses then, and if even I was God would say “I don’t want to hear your excuse.”
If God calls us to start a project, take a job, give food to a homeless person, step outside our comfort zone, or give up an area of our lives that we have been holding back, and be don’t because we don’t know how long we’ll be around to work on the project or if we will ever finish it. Or don’t know how long will be in that job, or we might actually have to talk to a homeless person and people will think we are crazy, or we might have to change something that will upset our perfectly structured, controlled lives. Or even worse we might not be able to by that new outfit or it would put our bank account down to a balance that makes us uncomfortable we are making excuses. We are disobeying.
God says he doesn’t want to hear our excuses. All he wants from us is our obedience. He wants us to step out in faith and trust him with the results so that his true power and glory can be shown, so that our weakness can be made perfect in his strength. Anytime we willing disobey we are mocking God, we making him to be less than what he really is. We are being rebellious children that deserve nothing less than a good spanking.
The question is: Am I willing to stop making excuses??? Am I willing to give up the things that are holding me back and live a life in full abandonment to God??? Am I willing to admit I am wrong and just obey him???
Tuesday, October 30, 2007
Monday, September 17, 2007
Thoughts on being single
This post was originally written in response to a note my friend Sam wrote… it was first posted on facebook but in order to remain consistent in my postings… it is now posted every where… it has also been edited several times as I’ve been thinking more on this subject… every time I reread it more thoughts seem to come…
So here it is…
(this was suppose to be a comment on Sam's note... but it was too long by 1700 characters so... I guess I just wrote a note)Sam... I was thinking... a deep thought... lol... being single is something we might never be again after we get married... I mean you could be when you're older... and your spouse dies (which will be just totally sad)...I enjoy my freedom being a single person... I don't have to worry about if the other person is happy or what I'm doing that might bother them... or do I spend enough with them... or too much time... the list goes on forever...Plus, this is the one time your life when you can focus totally on God and you don't have the distraction of a significant other... I'm praying right now that God would instill in me the feelings for him that I hope to have for my future husband someday... I'm praying that God will give me a deep burning love and passion for him... I think if I had a significant other right now I would be distracted from this... I think it is quite possible to have stronger feelings for our significant other than we do for God... not to mention we are prone to think about that special person and spend more time with them than we do with God...Right now God is your lover (he should always be) this is a new concept for me... it is strange to think that God has a deep deep passion for us... it totally amazes me.... I can't wrap my mind around this concept... I feel undeserving of this passion he has for me... and that is what makes it so amazing... Right now I can focus on developing good habits that I might not have time, this discipline or the energy to develop later... I have more time to devote to intimate fellowship with God...After you have a girlfriend you just won't have as much time for this... it should still be your first priority but you will be distracted from it...Don't get the idea that I am 100% doing fine in this area... cause I'm not... and it is hard... I try when other couples are together and I'm alone... to remember God is there... he loves me more than that couple loves each other... I pray that I can enjoy his company like that couple is enjoying each others company...When someone talks about their significant other... I think of God... my lover... I ask for his grace in dealing with it... it is so so hard to hear someone talk over and over again about the special person in their life... but in reality God should be the most special person in our life…
I mean wouldn't be awesome if we could think about God in the same manner that a boyfriend thinks about his girlfriend??? or talk about God the way couples talk about each other???I'm far from this... so so very far... and I pray that I would have the deep passion for God now... that I hope I will have my husband someday... I think the reason I'm single now if so that I can focus on developing that passion for God... instead of someone else... if I don't have a deep passion for God now I think that after I have a special someone there is a strong possibility that I will never develop a strong passion for God... or that it wouldn’t be as strong as it could be…
This doesn’t mean that I don’t want to be married sometime… I’m happy that God has given me this opportunity to serve him as a single person and to be able to focus on him…
It is easy for other people to influence you to make the choices that they want you to make and this sometime distracts us from following what God would have us do… I’m sure that many times they don’t mean to be a distraction… but when you care deeply for someone sometime you are more prone to listen to them than you are to listen to God…This ended up being longer than I wanted... but it was good... I needed to write it for me as much as I hope it helps you...
I may post more on this subject as I think about it more…I got a book called they were single too and I'll let you read it when I done with it...
So here it is…
(this was suppose to be a comment on Sam's note... but it was too long by 1700 characters so... I guess I just wrote a note)Sam... I was thinking... a deep thought... lol... being single is something we might never be again after we get married... I mean you could be when you're older... and your spouse dies (which will be just totally sad)...I enjoy my freedom being a single person... I don't have to worry about if the other person is happy or what I'm doing that might bother them... or do I spend enough with them... or too much time... the list goes on forever...Plus, this is the one time your life when you can focus totally on God and you don't have the distraction of a significant other... I'm praying right now that God would instill in me the feelings for him that I hope to have for my future husband someday... I'm praying that God will give me a deep burning love and passion for him... I think if I had a significant other right now I would be distracted from this... I think it is quite possible to have stronger feelings for our significant other than we do for God... not to mention we are prone to think about that special person and spend more time with them than we do with God...Right now God is your lover (he should always be) this is a new concept for me... it is strange to think that God has a deep deep passion for us... it totally amazes me.... I can't wrap my mind around this concept... I feel undeserving of this passion he has for me... and that is what makes it so amazing... Right now I can focus on developing good habits that I might not have time, this discipline or the energy to develop later... I have more time to devote to intimate fellowship with God...After you have a girlfriend you just won't have as much time for this... it should still be your first priority but you will be distracted from it...Don't get the idea that I am 100% doing fine in this area... cause I'm not... and it is hard... I try when other couples are together and I'm alone... to remember God is there... he loves me more than that couple loves each other... I pray that I can enjoy his company like that couple is enjoying each others company...When someone talks about their significant other... I think of God... my lover... I ask for his grace in dealing with it... it is so so hard to hear someone talk over and over again about the special person in their life... but in reality God should be the most special person in our life…
I mean wouldn't be awesome if we could think about God in the same manner that a boyfriend thinks about his girlfriend??? or talk about God the way couples talk about each other???I'm far from this... so so very far... and I pray that I would have the deep passion for God now... that I hope I will have my husband someday... I think the reason I'm single now if so that I can focus on developing that passion for God... instead of someone else... if I don't have a deep passion for God now I think that after I have a special someone there is a strong possibility that I will never develop a strong passion for God... or that it wouldn’t be as strong as it could be…
This doesn’t mean that I don’t want to be married sometime… I’m happy that God has given me this opportunity to serve him as a single person and to be able to focus on him…
It is easy for other people to influence you to make the choices that they want you to make and this sometime distracts us from following what God would have us do… I’m sure that many times they don’t mean to be a distraction… but when you care deeply for someone sometime you are more prone to listen to them than you are to listen to God…This ended up being longer than I wanted... but it was good... I needed to write it for me as much as I hope it helps you...
I may post more on this subject as I think about it more…I got a book called they were single too and I'll let you read it when I done with it...
Wednesday, August 15, 2007
What does summer mean to you??
When you look back at a typical summer in your past what do you think of?? Does it mean more vacations?? Just good weather and you still have to work?? Does it mean a sense of freedom?? Does it make you relax?? Does it mean a break from school and only having to work and not balance work and school?? Does it mean more time to hang out with friends??
When you look back a typical summer in your past did you grow in Christ??
I remember being in high school and the warning that was always given to us as we left school in the spring… the warning not stop growing in Christ during the summer. I always said that I would keep growing and stay strong… ironically I can’t think of a single summer where I didn’t slip backwards in my spiritual life.
Looking back summer was a time where I could get away with more… there were less rules and it meant a certain freedom. Because of this it meant the tendency towards certain self destructive acts. I certainly abused my freedom.
The beginning of this summer started out with a choice… was I going to continue on in my typical summer pattern??
The summer started off on the wrong foot… but God used this for good. I fell flat on my face in front of a Holy God… and cried out for help. God answered in a powerful way.
I wondered how he could still love me after the things I’ve done. Yes I know I’m a Christian but how could he still love me after I have been anything but honoring to him??
He reminded me of his unfailing love for me… a love that is not based on what I have done or will do but a love that is based on his deep burning passion for me… when ever I get a glimpse of the undying love he has for me it brings me to tears. The only thing I can do is say thank you and worship him.
Because God has given me the passion to live this summer to please him I have learned so much. Here is one of the things I’ve learned:
I am a single female. I think pretty much all my female friends are either married or dating someone. I am a pretty content person generally but living in a world that tells me that I should be dating someone is not easy. Everything comes in twos. Even though I generally don’t really desire to have a relationship (not that I would mind though), I see those around me with their husbands (wives) or boyfriend (girlfriend) and want one.
About 3 months ago I started a new job (I thank God so much for this job he knew I needed it) and I picked up the book “And she lived happily ever after”. God has used this book to teach me a lot.
“Our goal is to find contentment in God alone. If we learn to wait on him rather than the perfect husband (or wife), we’ll experience contentment much sooner…. How we view our singleness hinges on how completely we give our plans and ambitions and desires into God’s hands.”
This summer I’ve come to value my life as a single person in a much much deeper way. I’m still surrounded by groups of twos but instead of being annoyed I just pray to my Father in Heaven asking for a deeper knowledge of him and praying that I would find my satisfaction in him and only him. The result of this has been more joy and contentment in God than I have ever experienced. I can also see how God is using this to produce in me a deeper desire for him.
I think that is all for now… I’ll write more later… I’ve got a lot of things running through my head… sleep being one of the prominent ones…. J
Up coming topics could include…
Mission trip thoughts…
Waking up…
What are you really doing with your life…
Song lyrics…
When you look back a typical summer in your past did you grow in Christ??
I remember being in high school and the warning that was always given to us as we left school in the spring… the warning not stop growing in Christ during the summer. I always said that I would keep growing and stay strong… ironically I can’t think of a single summer where I didn’t slip backwards in my spiritual life.
Looking back summer was a time where I could get away with more… there were less rules and it meant a certain freedom. Because of this it meant the tendency towards certain self destructive acts. I certainly abused my freedom.
The beginning of this summer started out with a choice… was I going to continue on in my typical summer pattern??
The summer started off on the wrong foot… but God used this for good. I fell flat on my face in front of a Holy God… and cried out for help. God answered in a powerful way.
I wondered how he could still love me after the things I’ve done. Yes I know I’m a Christian but how could he still love me after I have been anything but honoring to him??
He reminded me of his unfailing love for me… a love that is not based on what I have done or will do but a love that is based on his deep burning passion for me… when ever I get a glimpse of the undying love he has for me it brings me to tears. The only thing I can do is say thank you and worship him.
Because God has given me the passion to live this summer to please him I have learned so much. Here is one of the things I’ve learned:
I am a single female. I think pretty much all my female friends are either married or dating someone. I am a pretty content person generally but living in a world that tells me that I should be dating someone is not easy. Everything comes in twos. Even though I generally don’t really desire to have a relationship (not that I would mind though), I see those around me with their husbands (wives) or boyfriend (girlfriend) and want one.
About 3 months ago I started a new job (I thank God so much for this job he knew I needed it) and I picked up the book “And she lived happily ever after”. God has used this book to teach me a lot.
“Our goal is to find contentment in God alone. If we learn to wait on him rather than the perfect husband (or wife), we’ll experience contentment much sooner…. How we view our singleness hinges on how completely we give our plans and ambitions and desires into God’s hands.”
This summer I’ve come to value my life as a single person in a much much deeper way. I’m still surrounded by groups of twos but instead of being annoyed I just pray to my Father in Heaven asking for a deeper knowledge of him and praying that I would find my satisfaction in him and only him. The result of this has been more joy and contentment in God than I have ever experienced. I can also see how God is using this to produce in me a deeper desire for him.
I think that is all for now… I’ll write more later… I’ve got a lot of things running through my head… sleep being one of the prominent ones…. J
Up coming topics could include…
Mission trip thoughts…
Waking up…
What are you really doing with your life…
Song lyrics…
Update
I’m trying to make a new commitment to journal/blog more… because I’m on so many blogs the post will all the same… so regardless of where you go… you’ll read the same thing… which makes it easier for me… and well for you too… you only need to check one of them… :)
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